Grace Over Guilt

Leaving. 

Mom guilt kicks in overboard right?

I’ve realized we don’t ever escape it— it just looks different depending on the circumstances. 

When I left home 40+ hours per week and missed events and bedtime and little moments with my kids; I had to push it to the back of my mind. Engaging in the guilt only made it expand. 

Transferring kids in the parking lot as my husband shifted parent mode from himself to me so he could go to work, like ships passing in the night. We seemed to always be apart — unhealthy. The guilt of unmet expectations as a wife hovered as well— always threatening. 

I left that full time career behind when Norwex income exceeded my radiology income. I thought, “finally!! I can be present and involved and not miss out.” All those things are true. I have the flexibility to be available for all the caregiving Kaylee (my 15 year old with cerebral palsy) needs. I can attend all of Eli’s baseball games and I didn’t miss a single milestone that Madilyn had. 

Yet I still have to combat the mom guilt. 

It looks different but it’s present. 

Now the mom guilt stems from WANTING time away. I love them to pieces, but I need to not be touched or “mom” shouted constantly.
I need to get away from the beeping pump, the teen diaper changes, the snack requests, the never ending onslaught of mommy duties. Guess what creeps in when I begin thinking “I just need space. I wish I could leave the house to get my world done….” 

Ouch. 

You can imagine how I instantly feel guilty for feeling that because being home was the dream. It’s what I wanted. It’s what I looked forward to! 

My point is— it doesn’t matter what your days consist of, your work schedule, your job title; guilt is always available to us. We have to see those feelings as being a reaction to the thoughts we have though. 

The guilt isn’t factual. The thoughts that cause the feeling of guilt aren’t even factual. They’re how we are perceiving the circumstances we are in. 

So here’s how I change my guilt into grace— here’s the circumstances I have and the thoughts I choose. 

I work from home. 

I am with my children daily. 

My children have so much faith in me as their mother that they come to me with requests and needs knowing that I will take care of them.

They feel loved and are able to reciprocate that love to others because they’ve felt it so strongly at home. 

I am incredibly blessed to get to pour into their hearts and minds. I chose to leave a career outside the home for all these reasons so I am living exactly the life I did dream of. — those thoughts create feelings of gratitude, happiness, peace, and I can give myself grace. 

Grace over guilt, every time.